I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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