I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
