Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
