I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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