My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
