its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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