On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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