I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
