Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
