I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
