ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
