is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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