is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
