so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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