Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
