i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
