New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
