As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
