I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
