Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
