so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
