and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
