FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
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Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
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Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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