He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
