Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
