he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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