is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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