VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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