Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Randomize
