Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
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Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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