I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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