You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
You ruined the universe
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
