wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
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