I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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