i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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