you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
