I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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