Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
