I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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