Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
