literally had 100 drinks last night.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
