so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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