between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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