I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
