Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
