Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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