it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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