The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
