and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Redeem this text for a blowjob
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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