i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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