There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Randomize
