He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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