When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
