remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
