Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
