We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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