Jerry, you need to find god
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
