Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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