I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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