He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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