I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
we're chasing vodka with high fives
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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