She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Randomize
