Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
