You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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