I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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