I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
