Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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