I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Randomize