i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Randomize
