Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
