all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
